stinky

I don't know what happened but at the end of yesterday I found myself in the most rotten, foul mood yet.
I can't think of anything that triggered it and there was definitely nothing that seemed to help. So this morning I am waking up with a bad mood hangover. Does that ever happen to you? Where, you just feel wiped out because you wasted so much energy wishing the world would just shrivel up and die the day before...

Here's a couple of things that may help:

Breakfast. And I'm not talking a piece of toast with butter. I'm thinking eggs benedict with hashbrowns, fruit and chai tea. (none of which I actually have the means to prepare, so maybe a field trip is in order)

Making myself a dress (that fits). Sometimes it feels so good to spend an entire day doing something for yourself. And the last one I made; not so cute with a basketball in the front. Look for it on my new pine & hanker etsy site.

Other than that I've been having scary baby dreams lately. In the first one, me, my brother, and my husband were house sitting this huge expensive house and in the middle of the night a gang of thieves (hooligans!) broke in and we had to keep running from room to room to hide. I finally made it downstairs to the kitchen where I saw my brother and right as I whispered "hey, Tay" I heard a gun click, I turned to my left and there was the meanest of the mean guys pointing a gun at my head. I felt my hair move as he shot me in the head (ick, I know, but it gets worse). Taylor yells "Nooooo" and as I fall to the floor he runs over and holds me in his lap and I tell him to save the baby. So he grabs a kitchen knife and cuts open my stomach and right as Luke (my husband) walks in he is lifting the baby out of my belly.
ooh, I get chills just re-telling it. It was an awful dream.

Then the next night I dreamt that me and Luke were playing with our new beautiful baby boy when all of the sudden he started having seizures. He would get the most awful look on his face and then shake and twitch like crazy. He had three of them in a row and then he was fine.
Not fun either.

Then last night (ok this isn't a dream) as I was out driving around trying to curse my bad mood onto someone else, I started thinking about how much I am going to change as a person when this little guy arrives. So far all I have really thought about is how our immediate world will change. The new, foreign supplies. The stinky diapers. The lack of sleep. The leaky boobs. All of the sudden I was overcome with complete sadness when I thought of the fact that I will disappear.

I will cease to exist.

I will become someone's mother.
Then I'll just be someone's daughter, someone's wife, and someone's mother.

It was a sad moment, and I think I'm still trying to figure this one out.
Words of encouragement greatly appreciated...

xo