outta my hands

I keep trying to remind myself of a story I read the night before coming to the hospital. 

In it, the woman was induced for a long period of time with relatively no progress. She tried everything she could think of and eventually had a c-section. After it was all said and done she found out that her baby's head had been in the arched back position and that the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck three times. If the baby had entered the birth canal there would have been some serious problems.

There is a reason for all of this. 

xo

umm... maybe someone could text me and let me know what it is ;) 

week 41

Well, here I sit.

Waiting in the hospital.

We came in yesterday at about 3pm to induce labor. I was on "the juice" until 11pm with no huge changes. We spent the night here and I actually slept pretty well. They started the pitocin again this morning at 5am and I was still able to fall back asleep for awhile. Here it is 10:30 and things are starting to pick up a little. Honestly, I have to say this is not how I imagined this would all go down. It's taken me awhile to accept that and it's still a little tough and discouraging at times. I think back on all the times I thought to myself "ooh, maybe I'll go into labor at ______ (fill in the blank)" I had no idea I'd have to make him come out.

All of the nurses say that according to his heart beat he is just the happiest baby ever. The hardest part for me has been struggling with the thought that something's wrong. I can't tell you how many times I've asked myself (and my husband) "why won't he come out?". I'm starting to see that it's not that he won't come out. There's a reason for all of this and I am just not aware of it. It'll all make perfect sense in retrospect. 

Until then, we've come up with a few possible answers:

1. He's a procrastinator. It's in his blood. There's no denying it, he comes from a long line of very talented time wasters.

2. I am just too good of a mom. Already, he is so comfortable and loved that he doesn't want to leave. 

3. He's afraid of embarrassing himself if he can't remember all of the dogs' names.

4. He doesn't like the sheets we picked out for his crib.

And last but certainly not least:

5. He has inherited his father's sense of direction. 

Luke has said himself that he "has the directional sense of a blind and deaf field mouse". I'm not sure how bad that actually is in real life, who knows maybe field mice are really good at directions, but I have seen first hand his navigational skills and I suspect that maybe Ray is just lost.  

xo

i love my dad

while discussing Ray's practice in procrastination:

"who knows, you're probably just one grilled cheese away" 

(from going into labor)

"I am making a chocolate cake"

"well that might help, and we know it won't hurt!"

xo

to post in times of crisis or invasion

I just bought me one of these after watching this: Parker Lee

What a beautiful video. Ok now all I want is a movie camera. 

Seriously, now my eyes are all puffy and my cheeks are soggy.

This waiting part is really hard.

xo

letter no. 2

Dear Ray,

Let's try this again. 

I think May 23rd sounds like a fabulous birthday. 

Just think your birthday will mean school is out for summer! 

No pressure, but we'd really like to meet you.

Love, 

mom and dad

ridin' the storm out...

We had some crazy weather in these parts today. Tornadoes and everything.

My favorite shot from today.

xo

week 40

Late, but better than never...

A view from the top!

I had to lean over a little bit to see the feetsies!

xo

takin' advice from the slowskys

You know those comcast commercials for high speed internet? Well, one stuck a cord with me today as I was driving home from my doctor's appt. At the end Mrs. Slowsky says in a wistful tone "There's nothing like a good long wait".

A teeny bit pathetic, I know, taking advice from a talking, commercial turtle but what'cha gonna do? 40 weeks and 3 days. 

They shouldn't give out due dates. They should tell you due months. The next baby we have, that's what I'm going to do; a due month. My doctor thinks he'll be here on Thursday in between 5 and 7 pm, Willy the plumber thinks Thursday as well, but around 10 pm and Charlotte the nurse is betting on Saturday. Me? I don't really care... Whenever he's good and ready. The funny thing is I don't believe he's "late", he's just inherited his father's (and my) wonderfully lax sense of time. 

"When's your baby due?"

"Oh, the seventeenth-ish" 

I love -ish. I actually live by -ish. 

Who needs deadlines and firmness anyway... 

xo

ack, cen, tuate the positive...

E, lim, i, nate the negative...

(this week's mantra)

10 great things about this week:

1. my studio is finished and full of all of my stuff. I get to blissfully organize and put away my supplies all day, each day. I also get to actually work out here and it is all more than I could have ever imagined it to be. Thank you, thank you, thank you to my wonderful husband for building me something so special.

2. my husband finished his night class he was taking and his hockey league is over for now so I get to see him and snuggle with him all night, every night.

3. the lemon tart I am about to make.

4. yoga and being able to talk to other pregnant women about anything. I'm going to miss my prenatal class when I am no longer pregnant. We all keep joking that we're going to keep coming to class anyway. But I am looking forward to continuing with another yoga class, I think it'll be a life long relationship for me and yoga.

5. a clean kitchen and cooking dinners.

6. all of the irresistibly cute things I've been making for Ray. I bought a couple of Sublime Stiching's patterns and I can't stop. We've got embroidered blankets and burp cloths and onesies... Hey! maybe I'll post some photos. 

7. I'm getting very excited about this next little chapter in our lives. We're gonna have a baby!

8. rain followed by warm sunshine.

9. dare I say? a dialated cervix. Not by much, but at least we're heading in the right direction.

10. Being able to sleep through the night.

1 icky thing about this week:

I've got puppps.

And no, I don't mean lots of dogs, hence the extra p's.

PUPPP stands for "Pruritic Uticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy." In English, this means "really itchy rash gotten by pregnant women."

It blows. 

It started on my stomach, in my stretch marks and has now spread to the whole front and underside of my belly and onto my forearms, and I think it's creeping it's way onto my back. I hate rashes. I mean I really, really, really hate rashes. I used to get one around my nose and mouth when I was little and then just around my nose when I got older. Recently, my family discovered that cutting anything with Sodium Laurel Sulfate out of our lives was the answer and it has completely gone away. 

But back to my itchy belly, I hate rashes. 

And this one not only itches so bad that sometimes I forget to breathe but it is very unsightly. Just the thought of having a rash makes me itch all over so it is taking great feats of strength to not scratch myself silly. Supposedly they have no idea what causes it or why women get it but their latest theory is that you are allergic to your boys DNA. I guess only 1% of pregnant women get it and 70% of those women are carrying boys. Go figure. All I can say is that I am glad I did not get it sooner. It's supposed to get much better if not go away completely right after the baby is born (if you have a story to the contrary, please do not share. I am clinging on to the idea that it will go away when he is born).

So in the positive vain that I am trying to maintain: "Yay! Go me! I am Special!"

I found a great site for any fellow sufferers:

Naomi's PUPPP Page

Sometimes it's just comforting to know you're not the only one and {gasp} someone else has it worse off than you. Personally, Aveeno anti-itch cream and Vitamin E (straight outta the capsule) work the best to relive the itch and soothe the skin. That and wearing my husband's shirts so that there is no clinging.

You should see me today, I am a sight. 

I washed my hair before bed last night and now it has been sticking straight up all day in every which direction. I have on my husband's dingy white tee shirt (which I slept in) and some "I've definitely given up" black pants. Lucky for me I've been alone with my dogs all day and they like me "Au Naturale".

Now back to that lemon tart...

xo

week 39 + 4 days

Attack of the swollen belly!! AAaaAaaHhhh!

No but seriously, check out this week's outline:

According to my doctor "his head is very low" Tell me about it! I feel like I've got a bowling ball between my legs! Any day now... 

xo

week 39

sorry, no photo yet. Just wanted to let you know that I am still "with child" and just a little behind on photos...

Think good thoughts for me.

xo

and you're invited!

Dear sweet baby Ray,

We're planning a really fun birthday party and it would be great if you could be here for it! 

We're thinking sometime this week. Do you think that will work for you?

xo love xo, 

mom and dad

for the birds

~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~

life is good.
xo

week 38

Look at that thing! When I look at this picture I can't help but think "well no wonder I feel like I am going to tip over!" And "For God's sake someone help that poor woman!" I especially love how the flash on the camera accentuates my stretch marks...
We had a BUSY weekend. We got all of my studio stuff moved out to the garage, we found and bought a crib and all the necessary bedding. We bought diapers and wipes and onesies and blankets and all kind of cute cute cuteness. We bought a birthday outfit for the little man (my favorite) a light blue, bamboo, sleeper thingy (I'm still getting used to all this new lingo). It is soooo soft, I would like one for myself! My hospital bag is in the process of being assembled (hey, that's better than not having one) And today I think I might just paint his room...

So any bets?
My husband was thinking Wednesday, but now he's changed that to this weekend. I thought Mother's Day all along would be perfectly cliche. The doctor ~ no news yet, I have an appt. tomorrow. So now it's just wait and see!

Here's my personal big belly 101:



xo

steady. aim. fire.

Lately I feel like every day is a battle.


I feel like I have to fight to get my body to do what it once did on it's own.
I have to fight with my clothes to get them to fit.
I have to plead with my belly to make my stretch marks quit itching.
I have to bargain with my hips to get them to hold me upright for just one more day.
I have to appease my stomach and find something healthy to eat all. day. long.
I have to apologize to my feet and my ankles when they are swollen and aching at the end of the day.

I feel like I am racing against the clock.
I spend all day willing myself to get things done and at the end of the day I am exhausted.
I feel like I am in a constant state of hurry up and wait.
I really hate that feeling.

More so, I feel like I have an audience.
A whole gymnasium full of people cheering me on while eagerly awaiting the next morsel of news.
I don't like discussing my cervix with strangers.

I feel like everywhere I go, people are staring and I hate being the center of attention.

I feel like a wild animal. I feel like I need to dig my den and disappear until the baby is born.
It's not that I don't want to share our joy with anyone. I'm just feeling a little too exposed and very protective right now. I know that there are no explicit expectations of me but I can't help but feel the pressure of everyone watching and waiting in the wings.

Maybe I need a vacation.
Maybe I should go back to bed.

xo

week 37 + 3 days

xo