steady. aim. fire.

Lately I feel like every day is a battle.


I feel like I have to fight to get my body to do what it once did on it's own.
I have to fight with my clothes to get them to fit.
I have to plead with my belly to make my stretch marks quit itching.
I have to bargain with my hips to get them to hold me upright for just one more day.
I have to appease my stomach and find something healthy to eat all. day. long.
I have to apologize to my feet and my ankles when they are swollen and aching at the end of the day.

I feel like I am racing against the clock.
I spend all day willing myself to get things done and at the end of the day I am exhausted.
I feel like I am in a constant state of hurry up and wait.
I really hate that feeling.

More so, I feel like I have an audience.
A whole gymnasium full of people cheering me on while eagerly awaiting the next morsel of news.
I don't like discussing my cervix with strangers.

I feel like everywhere I go, people are staring and I hate being the center of attention.

I feel like a wild animal. I feel like I need to dig my den and disappear until the baby is born.
It's not that I don't want to share our joy with anyone. I'm just feeling a little too exposed and very protective right now. I know that there are no explicit expectations of me but I can't help but feel the pressure of everyone watching and waiting in the wings.

Maybe I need a vacation.
Maybe I should go back to bed.

xo